I am in AWE!
Psa 139:13-16
13For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. 16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.
Wow! I haven't blogged here on myspace very often. it is mainly to keep in touch with friends, NF, family, what's up around the crazy world of blogging...but today i was profoundly moved by God's creation. I have read Psalm 139 dozens maybe hundreds of times and most often read it with me in mind. It means so much to me that God knew me from before day 1. knew my days, what was going to make me laugh. What was going to make me cry or hurt my feelings. What sports i was going to like, not like. The day i was to surrender my life to Him...that is awesome in itself. Who am i that God would care about me, a vapor. But today i saw my son or daughter on our first sonogram. i was speechless. As i sat there in an awkward room with awkward things going on trying to see through tearing up eyes, i looked on this crazy computer screen and saw a heart beat. 2 arms and 2 legs. and an alien shaped little knoggin. Our baby already has a head shaped like mine. then the words of psalm 139 I am fearfully and wonderfully made sunk deeper into my heart. They have hit me today with an awesome power of God's glory. the nurse told us to keep watching as a tiny 8 week and 6 day old "fetus" moved at the waist as angie coughed, and again as the nursed pressed on Angie's belly. fearfully and wonderfully made. I have been scared to death to have kids. worried about how we can afford a baby, how we can care for a baby, what if the baby is not healthy, how it would affect our weekends and nights as we couldn't do all the things we wanted to do anymore, selfishness was a big part in my fear. I am still nervous at how our lives will change, i still go before my loving perfect father every day asking Him to protect that baby and let him or her be healthy. I trust Jesus. I trust His plan. I trust His goodness. He is an unfailing God who has made us. knew us from before we were in our mother's womb.
A month ago i sat here in front of my computer checking myspace after base camp as Angie walked in here and uttered words that are beginning to change the way i see things in this world..."we are pregnant". after test 2...this one says the same thing. Our first trip to the OB/Gyn... still no "official" test or blood work...but today i no longer wonder. i have seen that awesome tiny little baby. He or she is fearfully and wonderfully made.
more to come as we find out more. I have seen lots of sonogram pictures. boy howdy...nothing like when you are looking at the moving picture on the screen listening and watching the heart beat and your son or daughter moving already at 9 weeks. I am floored. Thank you, Lord.
“Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
posted by BAM at 3:49 PM |
